Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.