Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (256)

Last Night in Alabama (256)

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I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

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(256): I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck. http://tfl.nu/xyly

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Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.

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(256): Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay. http://tfl.nu/5ucl

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The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.

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(256): The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing. http://tfl.nu/qyj9

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One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.

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(256): One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project. http://tfl.nu/03dc

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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

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(256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy

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Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.

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Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.

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(256): Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you. (228): Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it. http://tfl.nu/6bli

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he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.

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(256): he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/xdnw

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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

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(256): Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower. http://tfl.nu/xm1k

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I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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(256): I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light. http://tfl.nu/687c

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So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.

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that was the beginning of the end.

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(256): So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school. (256): that was the beginning of the end. http://tfl.nu/usmt

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but she was nice to me.

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She was a fuckin STRIPPER.

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(251): but she was nice to me. (256): She was a fuckin STRIPPER. http://tfl.nu/n11b

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There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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(256): There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it. http://tfl.nu/68k2

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I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod

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(256): I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod http://tfl.nu/7c05

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Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?

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(256): Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face? http://tfl.nu/ju4e

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There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??

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(256): There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night?? http://tfl.nu/8e78

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Last Night in Alabama (256)

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