i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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