Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
