How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death