Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?