Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Follow @tfln