Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.