Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (716)

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  can you take me to a tanning bed

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  sure, why though?

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  i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious

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  (716): can you take me to a tanning bed (1-716): sure, why though? (716): i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious http://tfl.nu/lgox
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  my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question

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  (716): my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question http://tfl.nu/fvr6
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  I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.

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  (716): I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you. http://tfl.nu/g31r
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  I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome

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  (716): I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome http://tfl.nu/f4q6
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  i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...

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  (716): i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward... http://tfl.nu/0sye
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  After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"

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  (716): After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous" http://tfl.nu/zxh1
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  took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink

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  (716): took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink http://tfl.nu/qhkh
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  Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth

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  (716): Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth http://tfl.nu/he9m
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  nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.

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  (716): nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart. http://tfl.nu/xzee
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  Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.

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  (716): Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories. http://tfl.nu/jhay
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  You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage

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  (716): You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage http://tfl.nu/tfgj
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  I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly

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  (716): I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly http://tfl.nu/23d8
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  YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!

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  (716): YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!! http://tfl.nu/4ih5
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  Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week

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  (716): Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week http://tfl.nu/sqfo
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  I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.

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  (716): I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea. http://tfl.nu/jnx6
  Replies (2) Good night (373) Bad night (72) Order T-Shirt