Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...