why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey