PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.