She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it