i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.