I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..