sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.