just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
video games are the ultimate cock blocker