When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she peed on how many people?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.