Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.