I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm passing your future prison.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.