I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she peed on how many people?
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I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"