Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?