i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.