so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She tied me up with her honor cords...