it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dating After Heartbreak
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night