I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.