You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.