I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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