I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.