Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.