If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he fucked my hip out of place.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.