When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face