took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30