You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...