...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you