No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.