Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.