It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex