I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?