I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.