you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.