the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor