She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him