Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (720)

Last Night in Colorado (720)

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So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

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well, dont

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I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

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(720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb

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I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.

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(720): I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English. http://tfl.nu/7f6h

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Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.

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Some perfection is debatable.

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(720): Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday. (303): Some perfection is debatable. http://tfl.nu/oliz

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I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.

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(720): I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit. http://tfl.nu/09qd

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how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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(720): how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot? http://tfl.nu/rnjj

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There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"

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(720): There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!" http://tfl.nu/c7ck

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i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.

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(720): i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there. http://tfl.nu/dzaj

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turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"

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(720): turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen" http://tfl.nu/kas3

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you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!

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(720): you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night! http://tfl.nu/g3lv

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dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.

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(720): dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head. http://tfl.nu/xkz0

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Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation

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(720): Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation http://tfl.nu/efec

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have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?

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(720): have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing? http://tfl.nu/o8yl

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I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.

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(720): I think id rather eat ped egg shavings. http://tfl.nu/okl6

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God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

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And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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(303): God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with. (720): And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids. http://tfl.nu/a779

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yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

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eat her like coffee?

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(720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99

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Last Night in Colorado (720)

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