Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck