I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
