The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?