I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm