all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.