Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.