And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?