Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up