Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.