Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.