The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..