hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.