I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.