I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?