Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex