the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.