mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.