I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.