we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.