dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge