it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested