I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.