I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.