I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?