sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol