False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was