I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.