They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina