I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.