We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.